Entry #10: Plantains

This entry isn't the result of an ignorant or inconsiderate customer, nor is the following entry resulting from my like or dislike of plantains. I rarely ever use fucking plantains, if ever. I've had plantain chips before, like from Trader Joe's or homemade ones doled (pun was totally intentional) out to the class during diversity projects in high school.
No, I'm making room for this entry to openly criticize Seth McFarlane, Family Guy, and its followers and fanbase. I'm still convinced that in some circle of hell, there's the most god awful fucking movie to ever exist being readied for the servants of hell. In this movie, titled "Young Santa," it stars Will Farrell as a teenage son of Santa, preparing himself for his first year carrying out his father's duties. John C. Reilly is the voice of Rudolph, and there are cameo appearances from Dave Chappelle and Dane Cook. One of the main protagonists would be Michael Cera starring as an awkward youth whose only desired Christmas present is true love. The entire script would be written by Seth McFarlane and it would be popping out the seams with tons of anti-Christianity jokes and totally predictable atheist ramblings. Of course all the fucking demons are rubbing their fiendish hands, just awaiting for Seth to be damned to start writing this script.
Last night I was watching an episode of Family Guy, season 3 episode 5, aptly titled "And the Weiner is..." The episode is basically about Peter discovering that his son Chris has a bigger dick than him. The true weiner in this episode is Seth McFarlane. When the Griffins are at the supermarket, Chris picks up a bunch of nino bananas and comments on how small they are. Of course Peter relates the bananas to penis length and takes Chris' comment as an indirect insult. The dialogue goes as follows:

Chris: Dad, look at these little bananas!
Peter: You smug little bastard!
Lois: Peter! Chris, these are plantains. And there's nothing wrong with them. In fact, a lot of women prefer them to normal-size bananas because they're exotic and flavorful and very special.
Peter: Sure, Lois. All the sorority girls are clamoring for the plantain section. Stop with this!

The problem lies in the fact that they're not fucking plantains. I feel like such a fraud because I have to consult wikipedia whenever I'm unsure of something that demands immediate information. Sometime in the near future I should probably invest in some sort of botanical dictionary. Anyways, there are hundreds of variations of bananas. Apparently banana and plantain can be used interchangably in most situations (since there is "no formal botanical distinction between bananas and plantains"). One variation of plantain is the bocadillo plantain. I can't find any information here online on whether or not bocadillo plantains are synonymous with nino/baby bananas. For my own benefit I may try and go to the library soon and get a conclusive answer. Regardless, we're arguing conventions in nomenclature and identification. If they're synonymous and there's no distinction, are we to go by precedence or popularity? In this case, I'm opting popularity. The smaller bananas are popularly known as either baby bananas or nino bananas, and when somebody thinks of a plantain they typically think of the longer, more spotted bananas used almost universally for cooking. If bocadillo plantains are indeed something entirely independent of nino bananas and they are in fact not synonymous I doubt that fictional grocery store would carry them. Most grocery stores carry only "plantains," nino/baby bananas, Cavendish bananas (standard "bananas"), red bananas, and burro or Chinese bananas if you're lucky; it's very unlikely some major grocer in Rhode Island would carry some exotic fucking bastard son of plantain.

Back on the topic of Family Guy: nearly every opinion expressed on the show is recycled dog shit that publicly gives reason for people to dislike self-proclaimed atheists. It's like Seth McFarlane uses the show as a vehicle for his opinions on topical issues, and he's somewhere in Hollywood slowly stroking his own dick at the very thought of his opinions somehow being groundbreaking or insightful. At least Trey Parker and Matt Stone somehow serve up opinions on current issues that may not be entirely obvious to the general American population. Oh yeah Seth? Christians are "hypocrites," abortion is a woman's choice, abstinence education is detrimental to our children, marijuana should be smoked by everybody, war is "stupid" and our current situation in the Middle East is based entirely on oil, politicians are susceptible to greed, and the Dark Ages' lack of scientific progress was solely the result of dogmatic Christian censorship? Either Seth wrote the entire book on edgy, predictable liberalism, or he stole Jon Stewart's notes.
I don't want to argue any of these points because they're either incredibly surface-level interpretations of current issues, or they're so blatantly obvious and yet somehow wrapped in the pretense of self importance that they're not even worth debating.

Seth McFarlane gives yet another bad source of information to cite for obnoxious, proud atheists.