Entry #9: Bagged Salad

Bagged salads are possibly one of the largest rip-offs to ever exist, at least of those fresh on my mind. The only products I can think of in the produce department that even compare are those plastic containers shaped like garlic cloves or tomatoes that you keep your respective vegetables in to keep "fresh." My biggest peeve regarding bagged salads is when people pay as much money for a small fucking bag of shredded iceberg as they would for a large head probably three times its weight. I know it's only a dollar and some change that you're wasting, but are you honestly that much of a lazy fucking dickhead to not just get a large knife and chop a head of iceberg yourself? Actually, listen to my older entry and just skip the iceberg altogether. The only excuse for chopped iceberg is Mexican food, and in which case I'd probably have more fun chopping the fuck out of a large head of lettuce, plus I wouldn't have to buy two fucking bags to not run out.
I also hate the American blend salad, and I think it's the equivalent of buying a factory sealed bag of hard brown floaters; the American blend salad is just iceberg, radish, and carrots. If you can find yourself some italian dressing you can have yourself a salad from Olive Garden or a side salad from Wendys. Fucking fantastic.
Most of the bagged salads are made of up cheap ingredients, other than the Parisian blend with frisee. One other exception is the popular Italian blend, which is actually one of the relatively better deals since it has endive in it and it's among the cheapest salads. Bagged salads however, on a whole, still represent a major wallet fucking and the small population that I referenced in a previous entry that believe salads are the only healthy thing you can eat. They sell so fucking quickly and people toss the fuck out of the bags. I constantly have to put misplaced salads into their proper feeders, since customers have to toss a salad they second guessed into the feeder immediately below where it goes - because it's an inconvenience to reach a few inches higher and place it in its proper fucking place. The worst is when customers throw bagged salads ontop of potatoes or in random unrefridgerated places. Dicks.
Right now I'm pretty "salty" because I have cuts all over my right arm from shoving salads behind the feeders. I get really antsy when there are tons of customers crowding my space, and I just shove salads in their feeders as quickly and carelessly as possible. Every customer thinks I'm obligated to step back every time one of them wants through the aisle, instead of walking a few feet away and taking another clear path. Nope, their path has to somehow involve them being intrusive in my work.
Bagged salads bother me on a deeper level, because they are a perfect manifestation of the pampered, powdered, and dick-rubbed lives of convenience that Americans simply cannot abandon. All of those conveniences tallied up are a key contributer to our high obesity rates, and by opting convenience over slow and hard work you're theoretically encouraging obesity. So next time somebody wants to bitch about "fat people" or complain about them being slobs and having no discipline or self restraint, take a step back you asshole and quit buying bagged salads. Real talk.

On an unrelated note, let's take a moment to root for the Cleveland Cavaliers. The Saints just won the superbowl, and the Cavaliers could make this year a double franchise cherry popping. I believe we have all the pieces, and if we end up losing it'll be because of some intangible like a lack of confidence or not being playoff/championship ready. I have an inkling that at least Mo Williams will be the type to choke. The pop vendors at my work made this display, and it rules.