How can something so wonderful taste so mediocre when it goes through what's typically a beneficial process? Dried fruits regularly rule. Dried strawberries, dried mango, dried papaya? All of that shit is fucking delicious. I'm of course talking about prunes being the black sheep of dried fruits.
I don't know the deal with them and why they're so popular with the elderly - there are other, tastier sources of insoluble fiber including dark leafy greens (hello last entry, dandelion greens?) and whole wheat products. I always thought it was a stereotype, but after working in produce long enough I can verify that it's fucking truth. There's one dude who used to regularly come into the store who'd always ask where the prunes were (even though they never sprouted feet and fucking moved, to my knowledge) and then he'd sit in the fucking cafe for an hour. He'd always read my nametag and repeat my name in the most grating, obnoxious manner. "Okay, Robert." Shit got so obnoxious so quickly. Note for the customers - calling me by my first name pisses me the fuck off and makes me more paranoid than a 13 year old kid trying to jerk off at a family computer. If you're calling me by my first name, I assume you're trying to drill it into your memory so you can report me for some trivial bullshit at a later time; it makes me feel like I'm on display.
Back to the prunes: once in Jr. High my home economics teacher offered to give me extra time on a project if I ate a prune. I hated it. Of course, back then I ate tons of Burger King and Wendys bullshit and limited my diet to shit high in sodium and fat. I'm not trying to sound like a snob, but after not eating meat for the longest time I really became more appreciative of food in general - because I didn't limit myself to what was cheap and convenient.
I figured last Tuesday that I'd get some paczki for paczki day and thought maybe now I'd have some prune tolerance. Nope, prune still taste like dick cheese. Actually, the prune filling reminded me slightly of sesame filling in pastries, but a lot worse.
So speaking of paczkis - how many of you assholes had paczkis on paczki day? When I was a little kid I used to get something like them at Ritos Bakery in Parma.
European food rules. I used to always get kolaches at Ritos, and I used to get pierogies from St. Josaphats. When I was living in Tucson I couldn't find a single pierogi that wasn't Mrs.Ts, and I was hard-pressed to find a good kolache or European bakery for that matter.
People are total dickwads to even suggest that the Southwest is somehow superior to the Midwest, because you're near the border and have access to good Mexican food; as far as my knowledge goes, good Mexican food is all over - but good European food only has its pockets in some of the more culturally diverse cities. Give me pierogies made by old Slovak grandmas or give me death. The West Side market also has great fucking pierogies, especially the sweet and sour red cabbage pierogies.
Next weekend I'm hopefully entering a pierogi eating contest at a local bar that puts on most of the good punk and hardcore shows in the city. I can't wait to wear my "I [heart] Parma" shirt, dance to "Who Stole the Kishka?," and eat pierogies until I puke. Maybe I'll even win money.
European food and cultural diversity are the first reason Cleveland rules.
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