I've never met a single living person who actually openly likes Guy Fieri. Guy represents so many cheesy, dickbag stereotypes in one conveniently gelled and styled package.Today at work, my coworker and I stood around and thought of different stereotypes associated with people similar to Guy. Honestly, if you took "I Just Saw the Gayest Guy on Earth" by Anal Cunt and shifted the lyrical focus from Massachusetts to California, you'd have a song very fitting for Guy Fieri.
Guy Fieri is totally the type of dude who has an entire closet full of fucking bowling shirts; chances are half of his shirts, bowling shirts included, have flame, 8 ball, or dragon imagery. You know that episode of Tim and Eric Awesome Show with their alter-personas Jim and Derrick? Remember the skit about tattoos? Yeah, totally Guy Fieri. Chances are Guy Fieri has literally fucking sat around contemplating tribal tattoos (if he doesn't have a few already). He's also the kind of person who goes to Chilis and orders mojitos and drinks lite beer. When he's at Chilis he probably pinches the waitress' ass, and refers to girls as "chicks" or "babes" and talks about sex stories with his male workout buddies (altough his idea of "working out" is probably drinking Muscle Milk and sitting on leg presses checking out "babes"). Guy has a classic car and probably has little or no knowledge regarding its maintenance. If Guy wasn't a famous chef, he'd be the customer who comes in asking for "guacamoles."
Nearly every recipe I've watched on his show somehow incorporates avocado or ginger. He's almost as one dimensional as Bobby Flay, who always tries his best to make any recipe into some "Southwestern" clusterfuck. Guy's "cooking style" seems to be fruitty Californian bar food.
I would place bets that Guy is the kind of dude who stocks up on chips and salsa for Superbowl Sunday and it's the only day of the entire year he actually watches football. Instead, he probably watches "extreme" sports and the winter Olympics.
Whenever you're at the store and you see those goofy fucking $30 "sleek" sunglasses with yellow tinted lenses that make you wonder, "who the fuck would buy that?" Guy Fieri is who would buy that. To sum up my article thus far, Guy represents nearly everything cheesy and lame that gives California a negative image (in the same respects Family Guy gives atheists a negative image). As far as the West Coast, Guy truly is "The Gayest Guy on Earth." If any of the aforementioned stereotypes apply to you as the reader, then you have a very "Fieri" personality and you should probably go back to scouting for chicks in bars and drinking Natty Ice.
Guy is yet another reason why California sucks.
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