Entry #28: Corn

Corn is one of the shittiest things in nature. If corn played in an organized sporting event against mosquitos, flesh eating disease, AIDs, dick cheese, jealousy, and the LA Lakers I'd be pretty hard-pressed to decide who I'd favor. I almost feel as though there's some conspiracy theory behind Native Americans gifting us their precious grain: maybe they knew the level of misuse and abuse would be so obtuse with the white man and they'd ultimately destroy themselves with maize-mania.
Why do I dislike corn so much? Well, first of all it doesn't even taste that fucking good and it's typical "meat and potato" macho male fare. So many fat fucking dudes with Budweiser-stained NFL shirts come in and dig the fuck out of the corn, throwing ears all over the fucking place searching for "good ones." Guess what? Corn is 10 for $2, that's $.20 a piece. Who gives a fuck whether or not the ear is a millimeter longer or looks slightly thicker? Chances are you're just going to drench it in butter or put it in your mashed potatoes and turkey - it's not like you're going to taste much of its exquisite flavor or differentiate between one ear or another.
Corn fucking sucks because of the farm bill, and the fact that it's heavily subsidized so farmers grow corn instead of other, better products. The end result is type 2 corn being grown and sold to make things like additives, preservatives, HFCS, etc. at a cheap price, and companies trying to extend their usage of corn byproducts. This is not fucking good - at all.
You know why else corn sucks? Third world countries indebted to the World Bank grow genetically engineered corn (along with specialty products) specifically for the world market and to sell to first world countries - instead of being able to concern themselves with sustenence farming. Instead big fucking America and its big fucking technological "advancements" march in and shit GMO corn fields across the landscape - when other grains would fare much better in drier areas, regardless of how fucking much they modify the corn seeds in a laboratory.
Corn has its large, yellow-and-white bulbous dick down Mother Nature's throat. Fuck corn, fuck the people who buy it, and fuck how much it sells.