Entry #26: Attractive Women

My workplace happens to be in a wealthier area, so it's very often that attractive middle-aged women and trendy girls in their twenties shop at my grocery store - at least those who aren't picking up hummus and clif bars from Trader Joes. I will say that I'm not actively on the prowl or expecting to talk to any of these women - because I have a wonderful girlfriend who I'd never want to betray. I'm sure she could accept me appreciating somebody's physical attractiveness if I'm not hooting and making grabbing motions in the air like I'm squeezing tits.
Anyways, there are things that a 9 or 10 can do that will instantly make them a 5 in my book - almost in some Seinfeldian, observational nitpicking on my part. Most of the things that they do are things I've mentioned in older posts, especially those having to do with fucking bananas (not literally fucking bananas, I'm using fucking as an adjective).

1) Banana rippers. If you're an attractive woman and you pick up a big fucking bunch of bananas and rip off a single banana and place it back - you're instantly plummeting on the physical attractiveness meter. If I was ever single again and I was in bed with a banana ripper, I would feel like I'm shoving my dick in a huge mound of manure. More than likely I would be spitting on her in my head, and I'd probably go out of my way to make the sex messy and demeaning. I can't take banana rippers seriously. On the other hand, if you kindly walk over and pick up a bunch immediately where I placed my last bunch, make a comment or appology, and not rip off a single banana *swoon*.
2) iceberg lettuce/salad purchasers. A girl can't be attractive if she's boring and she eats iceberg. Plain and simple.
3) Women who don't know how to cook. This almost sounds sexist, but I'm definitely not going for that angle. both men and women should aspire to learn how to cook well, fuck anybody who says otherwise. If you're coming in and asking me for cooking advice, you exhibit any sort of ignorance of fruits/vegetables, or you're buying incredibly boring products (iceberg, baby cut carrots, tomatoes, etc.) then you're immediately dropping to average or below.