Entry #3: Apricots

Before I start my entry about apricots, I would like to take the time to recognize of all of the ludicrous signs that are posted all over my workplace. Of course there are plenty of those "motivational posters," you know the ones that internet nerds parody? Some bullshit about "teamwork," "inspiration," "integrity," or some other broad term and how it relates to a "proper" or "productive" workplace? There are tons of even shittier signs about things decidedly more specific to the company, like known loss and shrink: the shittiest fucking signs to exist. According to the sign, taking garbage is theft, and every worker (or consequently "thief") is a bald motherfucker in a large coat - the kind you wear nothing under and run up behind unsuspecting strangers to randomly whip out your dick. Also, the bald motherfucker is stealing flowers for some god fucking reason. Anyways, there's one sign I like at my store:


This sign is actually posted on our local 880 Union board and it obviously rules. Don't support Wal-Mart. The only qualm I have with the sign is its one shred of irony: the company I work for actually swallowed up at least two other grocery franchises in its wake, and currently owns the largest grocery store in the nation (in Pennsylvania) under the name of one of its subsidiaries. I guess it hasn't "destroyed" our community in the same way as Wal-Mart, because the jobs it replaces are pro-union and offer more opportunities than Wal-Mart - but the company itself displaces other grocery retailers and only does slightly more than other comparatively large grocery retailers to promote local businesses and farmers (we sell a few different vegetables, local pierogies, cleveland tofu, and local breads and specialty items that are "authentic" european goods).

IN CASE THAT WAS TOO BORING AND IRRELEVANT TO READ, THE ACTUAL ENTRY STARTS HERE:

Apricots. They're so tasty, and they're easily the best stone fruit. Apricots also rule because they're one of the best sources of beta-carotene other than carrots, and they're great sources of iron and potassium. Yesterday I bought apricot pierogies:

I'm thoroughly disappointed. I'm unsure whether or not it's the brand (even though Janka is pretty reliable in delivering good quality pierogies and blintzes), or because the apricot shit inside tasted like warm jelly, had the consistency of snot, and kept oozing out of my pierogies every time I took a bite - like I kept biting into a huge, bulbous whitehead.

Why an entry about apricots, you're probably wondering? Apricots are a working segway into a rant about European customers versus American customers' very boring and unrefined taste.
Yesterday night I had an old eastern European woman ask me about our apricots. She asked if she could take a bite into one to see if the apricots we had available were sweet. I told her it's fine by me but probably not by the store, to which she laughed.
Every once in awhile I have a European customer come in the store, ask me about something I don't know enough about, and tell me about some awesome sounding traditional recipe they're preparing. Today I had an adorable old Scottish lady ask me about rutabagas and tell me how she prepares them. She told me that "in Scot'lin everyboody loves 'em, but 'ere they're burly tho't of as ca'le feed."
Old european ladies always know how to prepare a good, traditional meal with real fucking food and from scratch.

American customers are usually assholes who ask me where the "gelepanos(sic)," "guacamoles," or something boring like iceberg are. Plenty of American customers also like to pretend they're cosmopolitan or well cultured, as if eating a pomegranate or hummus suddenly makes every middle easterner your friend. People also have huge boners over anything "superfruit."
Ask nine out of ten fashionable youth what their favorite Vitamin Water flavor is, and I assure you they'll tell you "xxx" (I could rant about how much I hate Vitamin Water and its popularity, but that's more fitting in another entry). Acai and Goji both make for some good flavors and juices, but you know what's a real fucking "superfruit"? Blackberries.
Guess what? Blackberries probably grow in your fucking backyard, the most "local" you can possibly get.
You're not more educated or a better person because you're consuming some exotic fruit grown in another country. You know what makes you more "cultured"? Understanding your local or regional traditions, and eating what grows well in your area and recognizing what's truly culturally relevant in your location.