Entry #17: Cabbage

Cabbage fucking rules, and it's not just my inner European speaking (well, maybe it is). Cabbage is so fucking cheap, and haluski is easily one of the tastiest dishes ever for its simplicity. Today my work was raising money for Harvest For Hunger (charity shit) and was selling 2 pierogies, a serving of haluski, and a coca cola for $2. Honestly, it was well worth the $2, but I felt like I ate a fucking stick of butter like an popsicle. I felt like a fat fuckhead all day. Honestly, I have no complaints about customers in this post; I've been pretty dry in my customer well of hostility. That Italian woman who recommended the dandelion greens a few weeks ago asked my ethnicity, and when I told her I was Hungarian and Polish she said something like, "well, so you're only used to eating cabbage then?" Pretty dick move; forgive her, she gave me good advice. I'm proud of being a fucking honkie (descendent of Hungarian laborers). Cleveland is probably one of the most "honkie" cities in the United States, since it's always had such a huge Hungarian population and was once a blossoming industrial city. I'm not proud of being "white," but I am proud of being Hungarian. Fuck it. Don't mistake my "honkie" pride as some racist, white pride, KKK, redneck, country rebel type shit.

For those who don't know, now you know. Haluski is a fancier term for cabbage and noodles. I'm unsure of whether there's a definitive difference between the two, but it still irks me when people refer to haluski as "cabbage and noodles" or when people refer to kolaches as "pastries." It sounds like uncultured, bullshit oversimplification to me.

So obviously green cabbage rules, but so does red cabbage, napa cabbage, broccoli and brussel sprouts (also members of the cabbage family). Today was so busy with fucking customers that I was hardly able to keep the produce floor in decent shape for the short while I was alone. Every second I had a customer ask me a question. Here's something that pisses me off: when customers ask where shit is that's not even in my fucking department. Yes, this entire store is my fucking responsibility; when I'm not stocking bananas, I'm stocking every single goddamn grocery aisle and punching the aluminum shit out of Dr.Doom. Real talk: I don't know shit about the floral department, I can't unlock wine coolers for you, and I don't know where the marmalade and angel food cakes are (try the fucking bakery, where else could it be?). Do people think that I've worked every other department, or do people expect me to come into my workplace unpaid to study what shit resides down each aisle? I can't tell anybody precise numbers; just look. If your life is so inconvenienced because you can't search a grocery store for some (more than likely obvious) item that's probably listed on a sign above its aisle, then you truly are a lazy dickhead.

Back onto the topic of cabbage: today at my work it was so busy that not only my department was wiped, but so was the salad bar. There was barely any spinach left, and no salad blends (only romaine). Instead, I just had tons of red cabbage. Totally irrelevant, but read my fucking blog anyway. Care about my pointless fucking life, please. Let me get indulgence from feeling self important. I forgot how good red cabbage was, even uncooked.

I also want to know what the hell I'm doing wrong with brussel sprouts, and why I can never make them taste as good as my work does. If I had regular readers, I would ask for recommendations on how to prepare brussel sprouts - because when I get them from my workplace's hot food bar, they're one of my favorite foods I've ever had. Fuck kids for not understanding the delicacy that is brussel sprouts; so many kids are just raised on fucking Kraft, Manwich, and baby formula. Fuck baby formulas; don't feed your children that shit. Kids are so accustomed to sodium and fat, and that's why they typically have such a strong distate for more flavorful vegetables. Sodium, fat, and sugar were nature's rewards, not the base of a meal. Not to mention their dads are usually shithead "meat and potato" men that push their dietary habits onto their children. No wonder kids are always such insensitive and hyper fuckheads. Watch this lecture about how nutrition influences behavior. The main culprits are preservatives (like yellow #5 and sodium benzoate), potatoes, corn, dairy, and high sugar (or sugar substitute) diets: shit that nearly every American kid is guilty of indulging in regularly.

nutrition and behavior aspartame (lecture)